Saturday, August 02, 2008

Random Ramble

Today was the Sonzini family reunion. We are all busy becoming our parents. I have no idea what our parents are busy becoming.

After a few weeks of shoveling the mess, I have my temple space cleared out. I have the guest room cleared out. I have my old room decent enough for use as another guest room. The storage room upstairs is less crowded than it used to be. But the basement needs work. I will have to reposition Melinda's stuff and do some other cleaning before I can resume workouts. I estimate another week.

With the 4-10 schedule at work, I have given up going to the gym and my sleep schedule is messed up. This last part which surprises me because all I did was shift it a half hour earlier. I could experiment with the schedule, but with the summer two thirds done I don't see the point.

Melinda has found a place to live in Oakland, and may get a job managing the apartments in exchange for half of her rent. She is excited. We are moving her down the last week of August. Melinda and Kathleen will go a few days before me for two reasons. First, so I can help manage Gnostic Mass on the 23rd. Next, so they can call me after setting up camp and tell me what to bring and what to leave home. This will also leave me fewer days to be sitting around being bored and frustrated. I am planning to attend mass with the Thelemistas on the 30th and network Melinda with a few of The Gang. (I just hope they don't give me too hard a time for being a body master with The Caliphate O.T.O.)

I keep thinking I am figuring out this Delphi thing, and each time it finds a new way to bite me on the butt. The last time was a bit different, and has me ready to release. I thought the program was ready, then I recalled that the report units had been dropped from the project while I fixed other things. When I added them back, it errored out on compiling. A little bit of internet research turned up some ideas, but not a sure cure. So I dragged Eric over to the desk and between the two of us we got it working. Between the last error, where he provided the first half of the cure and I the second, and this one, where he only offered one small (but essential) suggestion, I am finally feeling able to handle this.

Programming is like Ceremonial Magick. In one mode it is the constant search for The One Thing, taking the aspirant through blind allies, false solutions and endless pain. In another mode it is repeating what you know, but always adding just a bit to the knowledge and practice with each repetition.

So much for the mundane.

I am tired of myself. More than that, I am tired of feeling this way about myself. There is no progress in life, in fact I am losing ground. I am also more aware with the passing of time just how little time I have left to this life. Do I give up and fail the fight? Do I keep up the old patterns of effort followed by inattention and failure? Do I finally find the key to my psyche and make the needed changes?

I am also tired of writing about it in this journal. Before the weekend is out, a new effort begins on a magickal diary and all will be recorded there.

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