Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Evil Corporation discovers social media

A few years ago, The Evil Corporation that I work for discovered social media. The initial react was predictable. They blocked all social media sites and issued dire warnings about using them at work. Then, about 6 months ago, The Evil Corporation realized social media was more than a passing fad (duh). This led to policies for the proper use and access of social media by The Evil Corporation in order to market the products of The Evil Corporation. It also resulted in official policy for private use (yes...private use) of social media by employees.

Most of the Evil Corporation policy for personal use of social media makes sense. It boils down to not misrepresenting or dissing the company, and not screwing around with your fellow employees. But then I got to the last paragraph, and especially the last line. Remember that, according to the policy, I am REQUIRED to follow these rules if, anywhere in my blog, I identify my employer. I quote:
With regard to personal postings and activities, you should bear in mind that social networking sites are generally public and permanent. You should understand the security and privacy features available for the social networking sites you use, and exercise discretion and common sense. Never use ethnic slurs, obscenity, insults or otherwise engage in conduct or discourse that would be unacceptable in our [name of Evil Corporation] workplace. All postings should be respectful, concise, factual and dispassionate.
I just love that last sentence. To rephrase:
  • If I show a lack of respect for anything or anyone, I am in violation of company policy.
  • If I ramble aimlessly instead of getting to the point, I am in violation of company policy. (This point alone would leave well over half of my co-workers without a job.)
  • If I tell lies, or make honest mistakes, I am in violation of company policy.
  • If I get a little worked up over something, or use too many CAPS OR EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!! - I am in violation of company policy.
  • In short - be bland.
Needless to say, I searched the blog and took down all references to The Evil Corporation. Ditto my Facebook profile.

Three cheers for the Evil Corporation.


Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

Had a shitty summer. Hence no posts.

I am now engaged in deliberate brain change. If all goes to plan, I'll start regular updates again somewhere around December 1st.

Love is the law, love under will.