Saturday, January 03, 2009

A faint, ominous sucking sound

The train pulled into the station at 5:35 AM. Myself and three of my four bags got off the train and went home. The bag left on the train was a pretty useless bag with a travel pillow and a book in it. The travel pillow was used once and kept stabbing me. The book is already replaced. But it wasn't the greatest way to start my return to reality.

It got worse.

As soon as I was home, I went back to bed, then got up again at 10:00 AM. After morning ablutions, the sucking sound started. Joy, motivation, fresh outlook, optimism... All swirling around each other then getting sucked into the void. I lay down on the bed and thought....
  • The monkey wants to curl up in a ball and hide from it all. With a bottle of beer.
  • If I hide from it all, when the day is done, I will berate myself to having done nothing.
  • If I get up and do things, when the day ends I will berate myself to not doing enough and for doing the wrong things.
  • If I get up and do all the right things, and do enough things to feel it is enough, then I will know I entered a time warp where the work of three weeks happened in a single day.
Sometimes I hate my head.

So I got up and did stuff. Sure enough: not enough, and wasted time on stupid stuff. But at least I did stuff.

2009 is not going to be an easy year. It will be a year of much change, and I think I will come out of it well. I will learn some interesting lessons. But it will not be an easy year.

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