Back from the shadows

[Notes: At the time this was posted, it was the first entry made to this blog in nearly two years. There are more 'recent' entries that were pulled from my journals and used to backfill this two year period they are marked as such.

In April of 2010 I revised the blog. Contrary to what it says below, much content has been pulled. Anything that will piss off my friends, ex-friends, and sensitive souls is now hidden behind security on my LiveJournal site. So there.]

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

Like all good things, I managed to let my journals - and this blog - fade into the background. It is now time to pull them back into the light. My thanks to Kate for prodding me into taking this step.

But be warned - this time its going to be a bit raw. The old posts were edited and prettied up, always with the knowledge that people I know would be reading them. This time there will be much less of that. What there WILL be is more of the raw musing and emotion that is swirling around my psyche. I am sorting out a few things in life and this blog is going to be tool for doing it. Things may get ugly.

THIS TIME I AM DOING IT FOR ME.

Another warning.... In conversation with my friends I often withhold things about other friends. Why? Because nearly all of my friends are women, and I have varying degrees of involvement with these women. (Mostly just emotional or monetary involvement - you would be amazed how little sex physical involvement there is in my life.) Women tend to get jealous. I tend to smile and keep my mouth shut. Few of them really know all of what is happening in my life. So, if you are one of those women and don't want to get hurt, go away now. (Did I mention that there are Mormon polygamists among my ancestors?)

You have been warned.

- break -

I'll take up where I left off with my last entry of two years ago. The O.T.O.. About a month ago I took my second degree with the O.T.O.. This time there was another candidate being initiated, Frater Russ. He's a good kid, but.....

Sorer's Beverly and Holly have observed that the initiations of the O.T.O. change people. They will either turn you into a 'really cool person' or they will turn you into an asshole. So far Frater Russ has looked like one of the cool people. But recent events show signs of him leaning in the anal direction. I'll observe and hope I am unduly alarmed.

And the parting bit of angst for the weekend is that I've gone on the wagon. I'm going dry. I didn't like what alcohol was doing in my life, so I am leaving it alone for a season. We aren't talking about dancing the twelve step here, but I do need to step away from it and live with different vices for a while. (Hmmmm...... No booze. No sex. Smoking makes me puke. What vices are there? I am willing to take suggestions.)

Love is the law, love under will.