I think something was dislodged in my psyche somewhere in the last few weeks. I have departed from my normal routine and I am acting drunk.
In normal headspace, I am what the comic refers to as "The Button Down Mind." I have lists and schedules and routines that dominate my life. I maintain a list of my lists (not really, but it sounds good). Several years ago, the lists came into being as tools that helped to focus me. But, over time, the lists took on lives of their own. They began so suffocate me. I found myself thrashing (in the computer hard drive meaning of the term). I spent more time being locked into the meaningless - shuffling things from list to list, or agonizing over the priorities - and I wasn't actually getting anything done.
(Damn, that sounds horrible. Was it really that bad? I don't know. I will ask myself again in a few months.)
About a week ago, I came home, looked at the state of my living space, and just got pissed off. Since then, I have been ignoring the lists. Instead, I have been applying my energies to the things that catch my eye (or my brain) and say, "Yes. We have been pissing you off. You hate us and you want us to change."
This is not a new behavior for me. But it is a behavior that I normally engage in only when slightly drunk - just drunk enough to lower my inhibitions a bit, but not drunk enough to achieve apathy. (Hmmmm..... "Achieve Apathy". Fits right in there with "Military Intelligence", "Religious Right", etc.)
It feels good.